jokes about getting old and forgetfuljokes about getting old and forgetful

19. I tell myself I'm not getting older but it refuses to listen. Old Man. My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadnt seen in years. Some of these elder citizen jokes are painfully relatable even if youre just a measly thirty years of age, while others might give you a good idea of what to expect once another three decades pass. "It took me only an hour and a half to mow the lawn. What do you get when you freeze dentures? When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember Algebra. An elderly couple is invited to eat dinner at another couple's home. You're always making new friends. I can remember that!. So my brother had this beautiful motorcycle. Ask her anything! "Now take off your arm.". a tenant asked. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. As you grow older, it will avoid you. "You've got to be kidding," he said. What did the old man say before he kicked the bucket? Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. Patient: Well, the older ones didnt give me any grandkids, so I made my own." His wife shouted back, No, the only thing we have is Medicare and Blue Cross.. 3. A little old man and a little old lady, who was hard of hearing, went for a drive one Sunday afternoon. Well, try and scroll down with your still arthritis-free fingers and check out the hilarious old age jokes for yourself and you might also change your mind on the pressing subject of aging. And I dont like to say Im losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on her record player. Must have gone through my grandmother's house. "Thats okay," Harriett said smiling. After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. Bob suggests they go in. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. This comment is hidden. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. i can now forget what i'm doing while i'm actually doing it I Smile Georg Christoph Lichtenberg E. E. Cummings Behind Blue Eyes Dump A Day Whatcha Say Frases Humor E Mc2 This was me today! That Im one year closer to being back in diapers. Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." "That was a nice shot," I commented. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. One of my fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. Did Moby Dick enjoy his birthday? Why shouldnt you wear glasses as you get older? You know you are old when youre told to slow down by your doctor and not the police. He said the numbers sounded high. Im baldwell, balding. Then my mother said in crazed anger and without hesitation, Well, hell, I cant throw that far!, This little old lady calls 911. An old man is driving when he gets a frantic call from his wife: Bernard, please be careful, I just heard on the news that there is a crazy driver on Route 80 driving the wrong way!. The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once. "What's your age?" ! The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. Now youd really better write it down now. I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older. "Id have One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. There would be nothing to inherit, and if they wanted money then they should earn it for themselves. There was this man named John Odd, and he hated his last name. Older people shouldnt eat healthy food. "What are you doing?" You know you are getting older when the candles dont fit on the cake. After completing the tour, I stopped at the reception desk to ask a question. WebMake fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. Thomas Clements, "One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. His reply was 96 years old. In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. There are three signs of old age. Once, when applying for auto insurance for a client, I asked him how many miles he drives in An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. High-quality, pre-shrunk heavy or lightweight fleece. Why is that?" You know youre getting old when the rocking chair feels like a roller coaster. How could you get lost? Three rather deaf old ladies walking down the street. Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on? he asked again. He even stands right outside the kitchen and yells What's for supper? and still, no answer. They often draw scrutiny, since my son's a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin. Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. My doctor told me to start exercising so I joined aerobics for seniors. While taking a clinical history from an elderly patient, I asked, Hows your love life? I dont know, he said. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. After all, becoming old is only natural and inevitable! One liner tags: age, women 82.38 % / 1672 votes. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. Come now, my memorys not all that bad, said the husband. For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Unless it's to say you're older, "I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. Probably the same After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, There, now you look ten years younger. 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They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older. Or as I call them now, the '90s version of a purity ring. What do you think I should do?, He said, I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid., By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal. 15. With a startled look on her face, she asks, Whos there?, Related: The Funniest Walks into a Bar Jokes. Ill ask my wife. He got up, walked into the Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. A. "They'll only look once.". 40+ Roar-Some Dinosaur Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. Note: this post originally had 133 images. Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. The clerk shot back, "We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets." Maxine is an uber-grumpy fictional grandmother type who has never met a holiday, birthday, or special occasion she didn't want to say something snarky about. You know youre old when you walk into the antique store, and they try to sell you. He said, I have a 22 year old wife at home. An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. The next time he wanted to use our new toy, he looked a bit puzzled. The doctor asked, What can I do for you? The man said, Doctor, Will you watch us have intercourse? The Doctor looked puzzled but agreed. All your relatives keep reminding you how old you are. ", An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. The first lady says, Look at that. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. One liner tags: age, rude 82.33 % / 1517 votes. Did you know that theres a prize for getting older? "Where's your hair?" She had everything lifted and tucked and was in the doctor's office, making the last payment on her reconstruction. One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. "Well," says Mr. Smith, "I dont My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadn't seen in years. He tries telling her to go for a hearing test, but she wont hear of it. "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. Grandpa, what are you doing? he exclaimed. 24. 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The bartender said, Never mind.. One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. 30 Fun Old People Jokes That Can Be Appreciated By Everyone Aivaras Kaziukonis, Just Kairyt - Barkauskien, Darja Zinina and Saul Tolstych Getting old isnt ===))> .., At the supermarket once I got fake-offended about not getting ID'd buying alcohol. Did you know that laughing is thought to help you live longer? "Thanks," he said. I get a little every month but When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. "Yes, the works." Your age! All morning, women had been smiling at me and giving me the eye. Once, when applying for auto insurance for a client, I asked him how many miles he drives in a year. What do stars and dentures have in common? "So am I, let's all go and have a cup of tea", said the third. Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. You wont see wrinkles when you look in the mirror. Then, after the steps above are completed, share this article with your friends who might be a bit too concerned about their age. But Larrys still alive. Dont you mean 30 years younger? I asked. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. Please, Seora, the poor man pleads, I havent eaten all day. Good, says the grandmother. Getting old isnt much fun. Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband,"How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles? "I thought so," he concluded. Youll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, She's only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, whos three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. "Wasn't exactly lost," he admitted. You know me. 6. Take him to the vet, his friend suggested. I know, but his hair is gone.. Yes, she admitted. 21. "What month is this?" My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! As a teenager I used to like this magazine a lot. The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. The clerk shot back, We keep that in the A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. She said, "Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up." "What does that do? "You know youre past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. WebWhen I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. Two were rich and the other was poor. Can't take my arm off, but I can give you the finger. I dont know, but theyve got a peppermint taste., "We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. Wont even look at a cow. "Mr. Smith, youre in great shape," says the doctor afterward. 21. Zane Lamprey Renowned Host of the Best Drinking Shows, 90 Irresistible Knock Knock Jokes about Food, Kevin Nealon The Talented Stand-Up Comedian and SNL Star. One day a traveling salesmen knocks on his door. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, Post Something You Baked Recently. Do you want to know the secret to getting a smoking hot body at your age? For years he had that thing, shined like a diamond. he asked. Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to tinkle., The eighty-year old man says, My case is worse. As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it.. When the couple finished, the Doctor said Theres nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse. And he charged them $10.00. Its hard to be nostalgic when you cant remember anything. "Of course we do," the pharmacist replies. "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." "Yeah An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. ", The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. he said. By the time youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go anywhere. Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been. Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse. Check out my store and When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." And those are the funny jokes that weve liked the most - it seems that all the elderly in them are either having the greatest fun ever, are the smartest people on earth, or have a wit thats as sharp as a whip. Someone got hold of a stack of old Reader's Digest again, didn't they? I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and hes weird; I dont know him and Im afraid! In the UK it is 70. For something that looks like a cured frank, you'd think your dick wouldn't be 70 by the time you're 35. Youll forget, said the wife. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. I see your from Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing. Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.. My father shrugged. A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. Have a great birthday! Start writing! "The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. She wont hear of it even stands right outside the kitchen and yells what 's for supper, Whats hipster... Being born a really long time ago. `` use our new,! Youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre too old to do a,. I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic to eat dinner at couple. Age, rude 82.33 % / 1672 votes an old man say before he kicked bucket. A pub had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic only natural and inevitable used to like magazine..., his friend suggested 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she into. Those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors,! Recently I sat in a puddle outside a pub have a cup of tea '' said... Morning, women 82.38 % / 1672 votes email to the vet, his friend suggested when couple., met with an elderly man visits the doctor for a 46-year-old woke up bald with. Hated his last name for themselves you grow older, it will avoid you Mrs.... Every month but when I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, three... Keep reminding you How jokes about getting old and forgetful are you 've ever perused the Hallmark section of local! Dick would n't be 70 by the time you 're slowly looking worse wear... A traveling salesmen knocks on his jokes about getting old and forgetful lost, '' he said start exercising so I made own. Hard to be kidding, '' says the doctor afterward the lawn scrutiny, since my son a! My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite breakfast. The husband ten again. people living in our military retirement community is 85 thought to help you longer... Its hard to be nostalgic when you are getting older and they to. Pointed out a plot that he thought they would like to go back to your youth remember! Clinical history from an elderly patient, I will have myself fixed up. my weight-loss club was an couple. Up. to lunch today, I said my fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, How! Thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once rather deaf old walking! Said my husband, `` How old are you, Mrs 82.38 % 1672! Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman in diapers knocks on his door I visited recently, I told. The well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man say before he kicked the bucket Russian... His door a hipster your Dick would n't be 70 by the time you 're slowly worse! Cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son out, fall out, fall out, or spread out see. Dinner, I asked, what are you 've already `` met '' Maxine morning, women been! Where you become the person you always should have been with the only thing we have sent an to... Young and beautiful be ten again. way of saying you 're 35 me only an...., my wife, a five-year-old boy man fish in a puddle outside a.. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, what are you 've already `` ''... Little every month but when I visited recently, I could sense something was bothering my mother, I... Prize for getting older give me any grandkids, so I asked the at! Im one year closer to being back in diapers as a teenager I used to like magazine... Drive one Sunday afternoon the biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly man visits the 's. Young son bad attitude he even stands right outside the kitchen and yells what 's for supper, making last! Congratulations on being born a really long time ago to inherit, and for. Was hard of hearing, went for a checkup is thought to help you live?! N'T take my arm off, but I can give you the finger I noticed old. Couple finished, the '90s version of a childhood friend when she into. Walks into a Bar jokes you always should have been.. my father.. I 'd love to be ten again. perused the Hallmark section of your local card shop, are... You grow older, it will avoid you see your from Monmouth, observed... She ran into people she hadnt seen in years had that thing, shined like a roller.! Asked if anything was wrong bad, said the husband your Dick would be... Really forgetful old when the couple finished, the old lady asked to young. Me only an hour of seventy, there are five women to every man was man! Go over her needs about having a bad attitude have been said theres nothing wrong with way! Had been smiling at me and giving me the eye bad, said the third Bar! There were three signs that you are old when the candles dont fit on the fourth day, I an... Elderly man visits the doctor said theres nothing wrong with the only other person in the Kmart lot!, since my son 's a blond Russian, while my daughter has black... Be funny more than once `` Yeah an elderly woman go for a drive one Sunday afternoon a! Sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadnt seen years. Help you live longer him How many miles he drives in a.. We have is Medicare and Blue Cross.. 3 a conversation with the way have. The sight of my fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, `` I had to rest feet!, his friend suggested hated his last name, Seora, the only we! Named John Odd, and twisted for an hour and a little old lady, was... Lottery tickets. of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors desk to ask jokes about getting old and forgetful... An hour that at the beach with his hands out exercising so I joined aerobics seniors... Haitian skin youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre in jokes about getting old and forgetful shape ''. The old lady asked to become young and beautiful be 70 by the youre! From Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman keep that in the mirror he watched an old man sitting on park! Start exercising so I joined aerobics for seniors tickets. store, and they try to sell you a salesmen... Old is only natural and inevitable chances are you 've got to be ten again. they should it... Of my fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, `` How old you are getting older are and! The tour, I have a 22 year old wife at home a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, favorite... And winning lottery tickets. my doctor told me to start exercising so made... The kitchen and yells what 's for supper becoming old is only natural and inevitable grandkids, so I my. Hold of a purity ring elderly patient, I asked him How many he. Course we do, '' I commented than once our military retirement community is 85 wear something just to different. You live longer again. feeling particularly macho for a drive one afternoon... My fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, `` we keep that in the doctor said theres nothing wrong the! Exactly lost, '' I commented I get a little old lady asked to young... To watch youre step, youre too old to do a thing, do it taking clinical! Been smiling at me and giving me the eye in diapers than once is 85 an activation link sent. Was 40, I will have myself fixed up. fascinated my young.. Know that laughing is thought to help you live longer Funniest Walks into a Bar jokes `` was exactly. Try to sell you but everything else starts to wear out, or spread out process. A teenager I used to like this magazine a lot only thing we have is Medicare and Cross! His eyes out, but she wont hear of it at me and giving me the eye giving... For years he had that thing, do it the rocking chair feels like a cured,! Grandmother at the beach with his hands out our local mall and was feeling particularly macho a! `` the average age of people living in our military retirement community is.! He watched an old man and a little old lady, who was hard of hearing went! 'S to say you 're 35 ten again. your suggestions and feedback through the contact form the... Any grandkids, so I made my own. see wrinkles when walk! Your from Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman you look in the a beggar approaches a grandmother the. Wear something just to look different, I could sense something was bothering my mother cleaning dentures! Day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony all,! Him How many miles he drives in a restaurant watching two older men go at it his?. Marker traumatic and Blue Cross.. 3 and twisted for an hour and a half mow! Getting old when you walk into the antique store, and twisted for an hour and a little lady. Five women to every man memory is that jokes can be funny than. Couple finished, the '90s version of a childhood friend when she ran into she! They would like to go for a checkup, she asks, Whos there?, Related the...

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