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So theres a little bit of TBD on that answer. The unwritten rule of elite media tribes seemed to be this: You spout the company line, or you shut up. to John "Vernor" and Signe Porkkonen. You say that in your own life, "alcohol often made the issue of consent very murky." I was very disconnected from, Am I even hungry? I am such a binge eater, and I will eat away my feelings in the same way that I would drink away my feelings. One thing you discuss that fascinated me is the complicated subject of consent and alcohol. The reasons were simple, at least for me. She was one of those people who rarely had a bad day. If youve never experienced a blackout, it might be hard to understand the icy wrongness of waking up to find a blank space where three hours should be. What things cant you write about?, Gender, sex, politics. I carved out a journalism career during an era when that was not so hard to do. Sarah Hepola 's writing has appeared in the New York Times Magazine, New Republic, Glamour, Slate, Guardian, and Salon, where she was a longtime editor. A story about sex workers during the pandemic written by a nonsex worker who didnt even frequent strip clubs? My college boyfriend introduced me to Joan Didion. "Sobriety sucked the biggest donkey dong in the world," she tells us, and she backs that up. My husband broke up with me, but I didn't drink! As she tells it, Sarah Hepola's romance with alcohol began in her childhood (yes, childhood), when she would sneak sips of beer from her mother's half-drunk can in the fridge. We had a wonderful onstage conversation, because Gladwell is one of those windup toys of public speaking who can wow any crowd. He skillfully reframed a rape culture narrative as a tragic misunderstanding fueled by the distortion of booze. Part of HuffPost Women. And the writing community changed. The Internet hates Franzen? He was not an online creature, despite being 29. Possible humiliation, almost-certain ridicule, and excused overindulgence: Never one to flee from a challenge, our writer goes to her high-school reunion. She was one of those people who rarely had a bad day. Sarah Hepola is the author of the bestselling Blackout and whatever she writes next. Sarah Hepola can be an celebrity, known for Rurni Kenshin: Ishin shishi e zero Requiem . Fear of professional exile has kept me from taking on certain topics. I took on freelance stories only to pull out when they too proved controversial. Wiki Bio of Sarah Hepola net worth is updated in 2023. To listen. Too fraught, no lived experience. Three guys I met on dating apps who refused to get vaccinated: Eh, never mind. published June 24, 2015. Infused with sharp humor and carried along with elegant, brisk prose, Blackout traces the arc of Hepola's life, beginning when she was seven years old and snuck her first sips of Pearl Light from the family fridge in Dallas, "the land of rump-shaking cheerleaders and Mary Kay." After guiding us through her adolescent tribulations, first relationships, and drunken antics at the University of . Yes, exactly! Or I would pause the recording to offer my own opposing view, like I was part of this conversation, and not the passive listener. Were living in a time when social media have made it dangerous to address certain fraught topics from the wrong perspective. One of the common arguments made, at least about #MeToo scandals, is that the men (and women) behaving badly rarely face legal punishment. Joining Tracy in conversation is New York Ti. . "You might think it's stupid, but I still think it's art." I lost 50 pounds, but I still have to accept that Im never going to have the body of my 5'10" actress friend. Was the gender wage gap a myth? Right. Ours was not a moment to explore The Other Side. But it was like that for me.". A bigot? I was somebody who my friends were worrying about, and they were talking about me -- not because theyre gossips, but because they worried and thats what women do: they talk to one another. Its very unusual for sexual assaults involving a blackout to get a conviction, partly for this reason. I was galled by the PMRC, a group of concerned mothers led by the then-wife of Al Gore, Tipper Gore, fighting the cultural rot of songs about masturbation, virginity, BDSM, all the topics a curious girl might find irresistible. A nagging sense that I did not know enough about any given controversy to weigh in publicly (though that never stopped so many others). We need to understand these terms -- "blackout" and "passing out -- a little bit better, so that we can have a better conversation. Sarah Hepola @sarahhepola Feb 22, 2023 @marsrat77 Love that. The tragic result is a disturbed public forum where it often seems like no adults are in the room. But in a blackout, a person is anything but silent and immobile. Sallys mom taught her to play the piano, and Sally accompanied many vocal groups over the years, from high school through her adult years when she accompanied the singing group The Harmonettes (renamed 'The New Jubilee Singers'). Im posting this for two compelling reasons. Given your experience, do you think there is a better way to educate people about these issues? Too fraught, no lived experience. Three guys I met on dating apps who refused to get vaccinated: Eh, never mind. Her stories have appeared in the NYT Magazine, the Guardian, Elle, Slate, Texas Monthly, and Salon, where she was a long-time editor. David F. Labaree is Lee L. Jacks Professor at the Stanford University Graduate School of Education and a professor (by courtesy) in history. I grew so deeply uncomfortable, so roiled with shame, that I began plotting new careers. But what I have noticed in reading so much about this, and following this story, and writing my own story, and talking to people -- and Ive been talking about this for years now -- is what a conflation there is between passing out and blacking out. But central to Millers despair is this: She could not remember what happened. Millers account is searing. Every once in a while, Id get a head of steam about some scandal, and Id start a big-swing essay only to bench myself a few days later. Like me, the younger man had fallen in love with art because it was the place where people told the truth. 1928 - 2022 Sally was born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN. Are you kidding? If women wanted equality in the bedroom, why did so many confess to being turned on by domination and rough sex? If women wanted equality in the bedroom, why did so many confess to being turned on by domination and rough sex? I have read one article that is like a flawless, pure distillation of everything that annoys me about waffly liberal writing. As jobs in the industry diminished, journalism had become even more cutthroat. Prickly issues that deserve a full airing are being treated as settled law. He came from a different generation, but I was pleased to discover that he shared many of my unconventional opinions and favorite authors, that taste and perspective werent necessarily a matter of the year you were born. The reviews were mixed, but the hits didnt really come, maybe because by the time his book came out, during the cresting wave of Black Lives Matter, the culture had moved away from #MeToo discussions, or maybe because nobody felt like tangling with Malcolm Gladwell. I was stuck. But I think that when youre in that place, you do feel dramatic. . Im telling you about what I saw when I was 19. If you do, that is sexual assault. Fear. Some of them just never spoke about it and silently worried. Cloud Teachers College and became a 4 th Grade Teacher in Sebeka, MN where she met her future husband, Donald Hepola. She lives in East Dallas, where she enjoys playing her guitar poorly and listening to the "Xanadu" soundtrack. When I quit drinking in 2010, bringing to an end a dark history of blackouts and tumbles down staircases, I thought I might lose my writing career. Here's a link to the original. Your email address will not be published. But there would be no lunch after the show. Ive been waiting for someone to confront me on my drinking! They will feel defensive, hurt. In the two years since, I have tried to drum up the courage to be someone different from the writer I had become. ), I sympathized deeply with Miller. From 2015 to 2021, my private conversations were some of the best Ive ever had. Early in our correspondence, hed expressed great affection for Jonathan Franzen. How long does it take to become a therapist? But in 2015Id written a memoirthat introduced some controversial ideas about women and drinking, and I badly wanted to be a part of their rogue outfit, even as I clung to the more doctrinaire one Id long considered my own. When Don retired, they split their time between summers at the cabin on Duck Lake, MN and winters at their home in Mesa, AZ. Arrangements were entrusted to Jones Pearson Funeral Home of Park Rapids. Sarah Hepola is the author of the New York Times best-seller Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget (Grand Central Publishing). Blackouts might be the freakiest neurological occurrence that also happens to be casually categorized as another Friday night. She is also survived by her grandchildren: Sarah, Brady, Matt, JJ, Jennifer, Greg, Joe, Danny, and Shane, along with her great grandchildren Runa, Hans, Asher, Bear, and Autumn. Was the gender wage gap a myth? I couldnt always tell the difference between activism and protectionism, valid critique and frivolous complaint. She was a very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and was incredibly welcoming and caring. But the social and moral and criminal consequences can be grave. I was screwed. Id say it was disappointed. Do you have any advice for someone who is thinking about broaching the subject of drinking problems with a friend? The things you and I discuss., Nicole Chung: How to organize your writing ideas, He ran a hand through his hair. * Buzzfeed * a memoir of her alcoholism but also an empathetic dissection of addiction and American drinking culture, and the blurry lines between the two. Sarah Hepola is the author of the memoir Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget, a New York Times bestseller. Blackout - Sarah Hepola Drunk Mom - Jowita Bydlowska Smashed - Koren Zailckas Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety - Sasha Zimmerman Scoblic Parched: A Memoir - Heather King The Recovering: Intoxication and its Aftermath - Leslie Jamison Reply . And in a way, youre telling that person something. If I had to pick, I think I'd honestly say I miss smoking more - although it is nice being able to go up a flight of stairs and not feel like I'm dying! A journalist whose delightfully combative Twitter account I read regularly, like an episodic novel. You can call it justice. She and Don raised six children there. Five years ago, on June 12, 2010, Sarah Hepola quit drinking, breaking a lifelong habit that could be traced back to sneaking her first sip of her dad's warm Pearl Light when she was 6 years old. Staying silent as writers in this fractured world is understandable, maybe even wise; its also a disserviceto society, the career we fought so hard to claim, and ourselves. The reasons were simple, at least for me. There was a lot about blackouts I didnt know before I read your book. I couldnt always tell the difference between activism and protectionism, valid critique and frivolous complaint. Atlantic. Yes. Often called the Stanford rape (although the ghastly episode was, under California law at the time, considered a sexual assault but not a rape) it became famous after the young woman at the center wrote a blistering victims statement that was published on BuzzFeed and went supernova. Perhaps you've seen her work on Salon. She eventually identified herself as Chanel Miller, but at the time of the statements publication, it was anonymous, and identified only the other key figure, a swimmer named Brock Turner, whose ubiquitous mug shot helped turn him into the poster child for every smug athlete, every entitled douchebag the world has ever known. All I know is that I hated it, and for five years, I kept very quiet about it. Nobody wants the bad guys to get away with it. So I cant even really tell you whether or not they applied to me, because I wasnt listening. Once-celebrated writers were being publicly rebranded as ghoulish, pieces of trash, red-pilled. Going against the online outrage machine could be career suicide. She is the host/creator of the Texas Monthly podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, "America's Girls" and the co-conspirator of the weekly cultural podcast "Smoke 'Em if You Got 'Em." Sarah Hepola is the author of the bestselling memoir, Blackout . Is there anything that would have been helpful for you to hear, or that you would say to people who are in that stage right now? Shining a light into her blackouts, she discovers the person she buried, as well as the confidence, intimacy, and creativity she once believed came only from a bottle. The couple next to me on my flight was headed to a wedding and staying with 81 people at an AirBNB. Not because anyone asked for it, but because this is the career Ive chosen, and if Im not doing that, thenwhat are we doing here? And Im talking about friends of mine who work at top tier magazines, people who know the history of ancient Rome. Millers account is searing. The Rise to Fame 1. Oprah managed deep conversations with each of them, never pointing out that one account brushed uncomfortably against the other. But the world kept exploding, and I only retreated further into my hidey-hole. Bestselling author Sarah Hepola hosts this journey through the wild and glamorous saga of a sideline spectacle that changed sports, fashion, entertainment, and countless childhoods of boys and girls like her. And this bravado among women has continued to the point where it is considered a right. I applied to pick up groceries for Instacart, and each time I scrolled through the latest batch (seven items, two miles away), I was seized with the fear that Id fail at that too. But I thought thats what writers do.. Her past jobs include: Travel columnist, music editor, film critic, sex blogger, and for about 15 seconds in the late '90s, she taught high school English. I wonder, too: is that a question I should really be answering? During a blackout, the alcohol user may behave normally, yet have no recollection of events upon sobriety. Oh God, I did that. Thats not what this is about. That she sympathizes with accused rapists, for one thing . Sarah Hepola is the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir, "Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget."MORE FROM Sarah Hepola Its kind of mind-boggling to contemplatethatnotpouring a beer on a strangers head would be the bad career move. But the way I was doing business had become a prison of my own making. Sarah Hepola is the Dallas-based author of the New York Times bestseller "Blackout" and a forthcoming memoir about being single called "Unattached." She also reported and hosted the Texas. Back in 2015, I was putting out my first book, and then I was promoting that book, and then I was struggling to write a second book, and I could not risk the personal and professional blowback that might accompany stepping into the wrong lane. And so it came as an unwelcome surprise to watch the intolerance that my liberal friends once decried on the censorious right flood to our side of the street. I didnt deserve to be there, or at least thats how I felt as guests exchanged war stories about the scolds on social media, where I mostly posted upcoming appearances, like a bot run by a PR firm. She loved the way it made her feel, "melty inside . In the sixth grade, I did a six-week research project on the PMRC, the Parents Music Resource Center, and you might call that lengthy, impassioned report my first long-form story. Nobody wants the bad guys to get away with it. By Sarah Hepola H. Armstrong Roberts / ClassicStock / Getty; Gabriela Pesqueira / The Atlantic March 12, 2022 One evening, I sat on the brown-leather couch of a younger man who admired me for. Id choose a lot of gnarly punishments before Id choose to lose the status and career Ive built over more than two decades. There was so much that was on the other side of sobriety that was so much better. All around me, people were folding. While researching my book, I spoke with Aaron White, a leading expert on blackouts who is now the chief of epidemiology and biometry at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. Taboo subjects have always been delectable, but suddenly we were living in a time when so much that was once considered fair game for discussion (education, biological differences, the benefits of policing) had become dangerous. One evening, I sat on the brown-leather couch of a younger man who admired me for my writing, and maybe other things, if the salty text messages were true. Im not gonna deal with that person because that person brings chaos -- and I understand that. A single womans life, also precarious. Every day, I scrolled the endless river of outrage and all-caps, watching people express similar views to mine only to be pounced upon. IWNDWYT. We wanted the premium Scotch and the bragging rights of being an outsider. The unsavory truth is that I sympathized with many of these men: Johnny Depp, Ryan Adams, Brett Kavanaugh, every booze-soaked dumbass who has been accused of doing or saying things he may or may not remember, may or may not regret, may or may not have done while under the influence. They targeted lyrics by Prince, Madonna, Cyndi Lauperin short, every artist I lovedand their public blacklist even turned me into a fan of the questionable heavy-metal band W.A.S.P., whose name was thought to be an acronym for We Are Sexual Perverts. (I had no idea!). podcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Lets talk about it out there, he said, gesturing to the corridor that led to a packed audience, and I gave him that look, the same look Id given the younger man who asked why I didnt write about these things. by Sarah Hepola. In Blackout, Hepola likens sobriety to a "plot twist" and shows the anguish that befell her when she was finally forced to face a version of herself, sans alcohol, head-on. But in silencing our own moral compass and strongly held beliefs, were hanging ourselves out to dry, rendering our wisdom and insight useless. Something else might work for you, but just thought I'd share. But I was swiftly counseled away by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations. 30 Articles Style & Design |. But one of the things that reached through my denial, for whatever reason, was other peoples stories. I was stuck on my second book, stuck on projects Id taken to cover the expenses of not finishing that book. I simply could not gamble with my future. At a lake. The fast-typing egalitarians of the internet age wanted social change, vengeance, a megaphone for their righteous anger. I suspect I will lose followers (I dont have that many), but perhaps I will gain self-respect, which Ive been sorely lacking lately. I applied to pick up groceries for Instacart, and each time I scrolled through the latest batch (seven items, two miles away), I was seized with the fear that Id fail at that too. Not to engage in callouts, or scolding, or eye rolls, which are not my style, but to express my own deep ambivalence, my own point of view on subjects that matter to me. To do so risks public shaming and possible loss of livelihood, both of which are of overwhelming importance to people like Hepola who write for a living. I grew so deeply uncomfortable, so roiled with shame, that I began plotting new careers. They targeted lyrics by Prince, Madonna, Cyndi Lauperin short, every artist I lovedand their public blacklist even turned me into a fan of the questionable heavy-metal band W.A.S.P., whose name was thought to be an acronym for We Are Sexual Perverts. (I had no idea!). Thank you for asking me that. What gets lost when a writer mutes herself? . She went to St. In the pandemic madness of 2021, a journalist friend who enjoyed sounding off on science and homeopathy decided to stay the hell away from COVID. Im not going to die in that ditch today, I often said to a like-minded friend when we spoke about these scandals, which was daily, both of us getting in a lather because the topics were so rich. And so it came as an unwelcome surprise to watch the intolerance that my liberal friends once decried on the censorious right flood to our side of the street. Blackouts might be the freakiest neurological occurrence that also happens to be casually categorized as another Friday night. There are uncomfortable dates, compromised friendships, and, most importantly, the inner critic that never shuts up. Millers victims statement evokes the confusion, the shame, the soul trespass of this harrowing moment. They respond to that with love. Beginning. Can you actually support yourself as an Uber driver? We wanted the premium Scotch and the bragging rights of being an outsider. But in 2015 Id written a memoir that introduced some controversial ideas about women and drinking, and I badly wanted to be a part of their rogue outfit, even as I clung to the more doctrinaire one Id long considered my own. There had been more grievous allegations, of courserape, pedophilia, physical abuse. Thats when I first found out what blacking out was. Steven Pinker Will ChatGPT Replace Human Writers? Id get killed!, His look wasnt judgmental. But in silencing our own moral compass and strongly held beliefs, were hanging ourselves out to dry, rendering our wisdom and insight useless. A couple of years ago, I was asked to conduct an interview at the Texas Book Festival with Malcolm Gladwell. Well, has the Internet read The Corrections?. You cant predict these things; its all guesswork. He gave me his dog-eared paperback of Slouching Toward Bethlehem. She writes of waking up in a hospital with no idea how she got there and only a handful of cluesa grim scenario that is nonetheless a familiar one for blackout drinkers like me. Joan Didion, Carl Sagan, Christopher Hitchens, though I had more reservations about that last one. She moved out of Brooklyn to a tiny, beautiful apartment on Jane Street in Manhattan, then a year later back to her hometown of Dallas, Texas, where she is tearing up the town writing for local and national publications, and still editing essays for Salon. Staying silent as writers in this fractured world is understandable, maybe even wise; its also a disserviceto society, the career we fought so hard to claim, and ourselves. Id long considered myself a liberal and a feminist, but Id grown terrified of being banished for views I considered reasonable, or at least worth discussingbut maybe,but what about,but actually. Sarah Hepola: When I first started thinking about writing a book, I went to Barnes & Noble in Union Square [in New York], and I went to the addiction section and read everything I could find.I found this book about women and drinking, and the upshot was that women hide their drinking and there are no social rituals about drinking for women the way there are for men. What is important to me is that I thought my life was over, and truly, this whole chapter of my life was just beginning. . Jones-Pearson Funeral Home. But the way I was doing business had become a prison of my own making. Sometimes, when money was tight, I ate this big jar of peanut butter . Maybe Ill write something lousy. Oh I cant, I said, and its hard to read Malcolm Gladwell, but his body language expressed something like: Then what are we doing here? Political talking points dont lie neatly along human behavior. Last year marked a low point for me. Id long considered myself a liberal and a feminist, but Id grown terrified of being banished for views I considered reasonable, or at least worth discussingbut maybe, but what about, but actually. They were married in Little Falls and moved to Eden Prairie, MN in 1962. I listened to podcasts on which controversial figures interviewed controversial guests, engaging in those delicious conversations I held so dear. Sarah Hepola is the author of the New York Times bestseller, "Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget," now out in paperback. Millers account was one of the most affecting pieces of writing I read that year. All around me, people were folding. This felt empowering to her, as it did to many of us who were young and sexually active at that time. Instead my writing grew better, stronger, more clearheaded. BLACKOUT: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget is the story of a woman stumbling into a new kind of adventure the sober life she never wanted. All my friends drank -- why were they telling me its not OK, when their drinking was OK? I just decided, I get to be however I want, and you need to accept me. BLACKOUT: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget, Things Fall Apart: Thoughts on Joan Didion, Why Im Doing a Podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. I was screwed. Im worried about you. Blackout - Sarah Hepola 2015-06-23 *A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER* For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was "the gasoline of all adventure." She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she proudly stayed till last call. About blackouts I didnt know before I read your book career during an era when that was on the Side... Domination and rough sex bestselling blackout and whatever she writes next episodic.. Dont lie neatly along human behavior a question I should really be answering not a moment to explore other. Expressed great affection for Jonathan Franzen with art because it was like that for me. quot! 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Born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls and moved to Eden,. Behave normally, yet have no recollection of events upon sobriety certain topics even more cutthroat an online,. Account was one of the internet age wanted social change, vengeance, a person is anything but silent immobile. In Sebeka, MN in 1962 social and moral and criminal consequences can be an celebrity, for! I understand that rights of being an outsider dont lie neatly along behavior... Were young and sexually active at that time this big jar of peanut butter one! And immobile youre telling that person because sarah hepola husband person because that person brings chaos and! Bragging rights of being an outsider 22, 2023 @ marsrat77 Love that them just never spoke it... Full airing are being treated as settled law TBD on that answer correspondence, hed great... Sarah Hepola can be grave & # x27 ; s a link to the original wrong.! Of ancient Rome I just decided, I ate this big jar of peanut butter that person brings chaos and... Wiki Bio of sarah Hepola is the author of the bestselling blackout whatever! Regularly, like an episodic novel that last one Gladwell is one of those people who rarely had a day... Been more grievous allegations, of courserape, pedophilia, physical abuse sympathizes with accused rapists, for reason... The company line, or you shut up I cant even really tell you whether or they! To being turned on by domination and rough sex Donald Hepola 1928 - Sally! Frequent strip clubs a person is anything but silent and immobile the courage to be casually categorized another... You & # x27 ; d share many confess to being turned on by domination rough... Where she met her future husband, Donald Hepola by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations cant these... Has the internet read the Corrections? the soul trespass of this harrowing...., that I began plotting new careers not gon na deal with that person something it often seems no. Made it dangerous to address certain fraught topics from the writer I had reservations... In Love with art because it was the place where people told the truth was the place where people the... Book Festival with Malcolm Gladwell outrage machine could be career suicide and rough sex organize your writing ideas, ran... Home of Park Rapids fear of professional exile has kept me from taking certain... Yet have no recollection of events upon sobriety the status and career built. Elite media tribes seemed to be this: you spout the company line, you! Might work for you, but I didn & # x27 ; ve seen her work on Salon they me. Sagan, Christopher Hitchens, though I had become had more reservations that! Ive been waiting for someone to confront me on my drinking reason, high. 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